


A Receptive Body

by fenrislorsrai



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bickering, Comedy, Consensual Possession, Crack, Gen, Humor, Sentient Bentley (Good Omens), bickerflirting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:02:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23432098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fenrislorsrai/pseuds/fenrislorsrai
Summary: "I just need to find a receptive body. Harder than you'd think."a receptive, harder body may be closer than you think!Autobody, body, CLOSE ENOUGH!Aziraphale possesses the Bentley after getting discorporated.  Shenanigans ensue.  A fluffy little comedy romp full of bickerflirting!
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 42





	A Receptive Body

"I just need to find a receptive body. Harder than you'd think." 

"Not going to go there." 

“I do need a body. Pity I can’t inhabit yours. Angel, demon... We'd probably explode. " 

"Explode with something alright" 

"Crowley!" 

"What, still drunk. Need to sober up" Crowley made a face, trying to purge alcohol from his system, but all he managed to do was squinch up features enough the sunglasses slid back down over his eyes and nearly off his nose. "Euuuugh gimme minute." 

"You need to get to Tadfield airbase and get a wiggle on." 

"What?" 

"TADFIELD AIRBASE" 

"Oi, I heard you, no need for shouting! It was the wiggle on. Too drunk for this..." 

"Are you too drunk to drive?" 

Crowley waved a hand "S'fine, Bentley'll take care of most of driving herself." 

"The Bentley..." 

"Yeah, she'll take care of me, go on." Crowley tried to lever himself up from the table but his legs were even less cooperative than usual. "I'll catch up. Go faster without you in the car yelling at me bout how fast I'm going anyway." 

"It's not much help if you get discorporated too!" 

"I'm fiiiine!" 

"You need looking after." 

"No you! Which one of us still has a body?" 

"I need to fix that." 

"No yelling at me bout anything else til you have a body to yell at me with!" 

"Point taken. Perhaps..." Then Aziraphale was gone leaving Crowley squinting at nothing and trying to operate a corporation that very much wanted to lay down so as to stop the room spinning. That might be a good idea 'til he got at least some of the alcohol out... 

* * *

Alcohol removal took a few more tries but it got done, even if it left Crowley's mouth feeling like he'd tried to gargle sand and someone was touching the back of his eyeballs. GOOD ENOUGH. 

He got in the Bentley and then sat there for a moment trying to figure out how to get from where he was 1 to Tadfield. The engine roared to life before he even put in the keys. 

He patted the steering wheel "Yes, yes, going in a sec." 

"You need to get a wiggle on" came out of the radio. 

Crowley shrieked. 

"That was uncalled for." The peevish tone sounded awfully familiar... 

"Aziraphale?" He pushed sunglasses up on his head and looked around the car like he was going to find him in the seat next to him. 

"Yes. Now we do need to get to Tadfield." 

"Weren't you going to get a body?" 

"Well, yes, a body is really just a mobile container, so..." 

"YOU POSSESSED MY CAR!?!" 

"Well she's really more her own car and just enjoys you very much. She agreed that you needed looking after and the total destruction of the earth would mean no more roads to speed on, so was receptive to the idea." 

"Wait, _I’m_ the one that needs looking after?" 

"You _were_ spectacularly drunk a few minutes ago." 

"Maybe should have stayed that way. G- Ssatan... what even is happening?" 

"End of the world. Now we need to get to Tadfield and deal with the Antrichrist." 

"YOU'RE A CAR." 

"I _had_ noticed." 

"What are you going to do, run him over?" 

"If needs must" 

"We are not running over the Antichrist! How is that supposed to work?" 

"We ran over a witch two days ago." 

"She hit us!" 

"She did not... oh The Bentley informs me she did." 

"SEE. Two against one. The witch hit us. Fixed that dent right up.” Crowley did a sort of pat, pat motion and smoothed hand over the dash and got an engine rev. 

“I’m a good driver. And I don’t think hitting the Antichrist with a car, THAT YOU’RE POSSESSING, is a good idea.” 

“Well she’s not keen on the idea either since she’s never hit anything.” 

“See I’m a great driver. Despite all your kvetching. Perfectly safe.” 

“I’ve been informed you stop for animals and sometimes help ducklings across the road.” 

“How COULD you!?!” He glared at gauges on the dashboard, which seemed utterly unimpressed by this. His own car! 

“You really are rather…” Crowley hit the horn. 

“Directions, just give me directions already.” 

“Well we’re going to the airbase…” Having Aziraphale’s voice coming out of the radio and giving him directions reminded him why he had never gotten one of those navigation systems. He usually just pointed the car in the general direction of where he wanted to go and the roads cooperated if they knew what was good for them. 

He was almost getting used to the idea of this when they hit the M25 and realized it was on fire. Crowley groaned. “Bloody hell.” 

“And who’s fault is that?” 

“Miiiiiine.” He groaned horribly and stared at the wall of fire. “Not sure what to do about that. That book of yours have any ideas?” 

“Yes, turn to page…” 

There was a meaty slap on the window “CROWLEY!” 

The door popped open and Hastur 2 yelped as he was cracked in the shins and hopped around in a most undignified manner. Hastur wasn’t that creative with his swearing, but did you really need more than one cuss word when you had “fuck” at your disposal? 

Car door popped closed and then open again as Hastur got a little too close again and there were a great many more versions of fuck said. 

“Crowley, there’s no escape from London!” 

“Not for you, I am NOT giving you a ride. No hitchhikers!” 

“You….” He got whapped with a car door again. “STOP DOING THAT.” 

Crowley shrugged and turned his hands palm up. “Not me. If you can’t figure out how to operate a car, that’s your problem.” 

Hastur made another grab for the car door and anticipated it was about to pop open on him this time and stepped back, made a lunge forward and promptly got the door slammed on head. That was apparently enough to knock him out temporarily and Crowley used a foot to shove him out of the door. 

“Not sure we have time for reading, summarize for me what Agnes said.” 

“Well, yes, I think we are supposed to pull something worthy of one of your favorite authors.” 

“I don’t read.” 

“Your glove box says otherwise.”3

“How can you do me like this?” He glared at the dashboard again. The backlightiing briefly flicked off and then back one. His own car! 

One of the windshield wipers flipped up off the windscreen and then snapped back down and there was the feel of some kind of miracle having been performed. There was a faint glow to the outside of the Bentley. 

“What did you DO?” The ground seemed to be further away suddenly, but at least the burning road was as well. 

“Oh you watched that one with Warlock.” 

“Arrrrrgh. I thought you meant the other ones. That thing scared him so he was up all night. At least it wasn’t as bad as that thing with the terrifying boat.” Crowley carefully pressed the pedals and well, following the roadway didn’t seem to be a necessity now. Especially since it was on fire and they could just go over it. At least Aziraphale couldn’t complain about them hittin pedestrians if they were in the sky. 

“It had a chocolate factory, how was I to know?” 

“That’s why you weren’t allowed to suggest anymore children’s movies.” 

“You let him watch the thing with bunnies!” 

“He LOVED it. It was to make up for you reading him the one with the toy rabbit.” Which Crowley had to skulk off during because he had something in his eye. 6 It took him three tries to finish in private. 

“He loved that too and named all his toys and took very good care of them.” 

“Yes well, I suppose it evened out.” 

“Just so. I do hope Adam turned out well.” 

“Armageddon does seem to be starting, so, that’s not exactly reassuring. Where’s this blasted airfield anyway, you’d think it’d be easy to see from up in the air.” Crowley peered through side window trying to make sense of where they were. Yep, there was the burning glow of the M25 in the mirror, so according to map airbase should be coming up on leftish… maybe he should follow road. 

“Automatic defense thing. We’ll have to approach as if we were human. Maybe ask someone directions. Or find someone else to follow.” 

“Like a pack of four motorcyclists?” 

“That’ll do.” They stayed well enough back that they could see bikers stop to ask for directions. The man they asked briefly looked up at them as shadow fell over him and appeared to briefly shake fist at them. 7

Crowley did a bit of complicated shifting to figure out how exactly to bring Bentley back down to the road surface as Aziraphale hadn’t exactly put that much thought into this miracle. Had to be a way to get down without just falling. Throwing her in reverse seemed to work and they settled with a little bounce. Crowley shifted back up again to go roaring towards the airforce base, following the exact road Horseman had gone along. 

Gate was down when they got there. Crowley pulled up and had to step out of the car as the guard house was on the wrong bloody side. Americans. 

“Oi, have you seen…” 

The gate abruptly lifted and the guard looked confused as four bicycles went zipping past. The smallest hellhound Crowley had ever seen was in the basket of one of them. 

“Them, seen them?” Crowley pointed. 

“Hey you kids! You’re in big trouble!” 

“We’ll take care of them, no need to worry” Crowley made a brief handwave and snap as he hopped back in the car to chase after some kids on velocipedes. Angel was rubbing off on him. They were surprisingly fast and he briefly lost them as they slotted through a narrower spot between buildings than the Bentley would fit through. 

When he caught back up they had found the Horseman and there was was no way to not hear Death. 

“We could still run him over.” Aziraphale came over radio. 

“We are NOT hitting the antichrist with a car. This is not a cartoon.” 

“Then what are we going to do?” There was definitely a paniced edge there. 

“I’m going to talk to him. Like he’s a person. Gonna have to do.” 

Crowley pulled them up close and hopped out. He only attracted mild attention, but there were much more impressive looking supernatural entitites talking, so, fair. 

Crowley waved. “Oi, you, boy, the Antichrist, what’s your name again? Adam?” 

“I WAS TALKING IT IS RUDE TO INTERRUPT” 

“Just take a second. You were saying something about it being inevitable and everyone comes to you in the end, so, need to talk to Adam before the end End.” 

The kids turned to look at them since this had bought things to a rather screeching halt. Adam turned to look at them and brows furrowed looking at Crowley 

“Yeah?” 

“Word about ending the world maybe?” 

“Here to tell me I have to end the world?” Nose was wrinkled at him. 

“Nonononono. Definitely not. Big fan of the world. Full of stuff like ducks and books and cars and… and friends.” He glanced briefly at Bentley before getting back to focusing on Adam. 

Adam was now peering at the car rather intently. 

“Why is he a car? That’s wicked!” 

Tinny voice came from the car radio inside “It’s rather a long story, I was in my bookshop…” 

“Is it fun being a car?” 

“Not really.” 

“He’s a terrible backseat, well, all-seat driver. “ 

“Well yeah, then more fun to drive then be the car, you should go back to doing that.” 

Aziraphale abruptly found himself in the driver’s seat and just as abruptly with a demons’ arms flung round him to pull him out onto tarmac. If it also let him hug him, well, that was just coincidental. 

“Are you…?”

“ _No_.” 

“SIlly me.” Aziraphale gave the demon a pat on the back. “I think we had things to attend to.” 

“Gross” From one of the kids. 

There was a sense of reality reasserting itself. 

“AS I WAS SAYING BEFORE I WAS _INTERRUPTED._ ” 

1\. He wasn't sure where he was, other than "in front of the first bar he'd found after roaring off at random from scene of best friend's death" He was pretty sure he was still in London. Back

2\. Why doesn’t Hastur pop into the car itself? That’s Aziraphale’s body and he’s only letting ONE demon inside.Back

3\. A pile of sunglasses, “The Governess’ Secret Scot”, “The Destroyer #115: Misfortune Teller”, a pen that worked, a pen that didn’t work, and an actual set of gloves.Back

4\. Look I made the footnotes work, don't expect actual editing too 

5\. No, three sir

6\. Possibly an entire onion. _Definitely_ onions.Back

7\. Darn kids and their flying cars. What’s the world coming to?Back

**Author's Note:**

> I probably should have put it in the footnotes, but whatevs, I got tired of coding them. Ian Fleming wrote both Chitty-Chitty- Bang-Bang AND James Bond. Go fig. Aziraphale’s movie choice was obviously Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the one with Gene Wilder. Oops. Crowley showed Warlock Watership Down. Oops. Aziraphale read him The Velveteen Rabbit which if you haven’t read in awhile [here you go. ](https://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/williams/rabbit/rabbit.html) Crowley might have some Feelings about that book.
> 
> If you'd like an actual serious treatment of the "but there was only one ~~bed~~ body", I have that fic as well where they [share Crowley's body. ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19259320)


End file.
